Tag Archives: Hillary Clinton

Freedom’s Just Another Word for Nothing Left to Lose

If freedom means anything it means the right to commit violence in another person’s name.  This is a lesson that’s been passed on from one generation to the next since the time this country was first founded.  And it’s starting to bear fruit like there’s no tomorrow.  Of course I am referring to Omar Mateen whose final moments perfectly capture what it means to be free in this country: going down in a blaze of glory with gun in one hand and cell phone in the other.

But he’s certainly not the first of his kind, nor will he be the last.  Indeed, when it comes to committing violence in the name of others Mateen and his ilk don’t hold a candle to the grown ups in the room.  Hillary warned the other day of the prospect that Trump might be given the nuclear launch codes (or is it that he gets to push a  button, or both?).  Now there’s the ultimate expression of freedom: a democracy that guarantees persons of every sex, class, race, and religion the right to launch a nuclear attack — except of course if you’re rich, white and misogynistic, in which case you only get a taste of what it feels like to commit mass genocide.  Perhaps that’s for the best.  Do we really want Trump anywhere near a computer let alone one capable of launching missiles halfway around the world?

Speaking of weapons of mass destruction, we launched a few of those in Japan not too long ago and as a result won the war for the rest of the free world.  For that we will never apologize for what we did to the Japanese.  Not in a million years.  Better to just lecture them on the evils and immorality of nuclear war.  Anyway, if we had to apologize to Japan, then we’d be in for a doozy of an apology tour.  Vietnam would want in on the action, as would Iraq.  And that’s just for starters.  Who knows what other groups or countries might have a bone to pick with the U.S. government?

I imagine the patrons at Pulse whose night out became a night to forget would have some questions for their representatives in government. And to get them started, here’s one of my own: what’s scarier, Trump with the nuclear launch codes or Hillary as Dubya-lite? Here’s another: where are the guns for the good guys? If the logic is that we should arm the good guys with guns so they can then neutralize the bad guys with guns and if the government can’t protect the good guys without guns from the bad guys with guns then why isn’t the government making more of an effort to get the good guys their guns?  And here’s one last one: don’t forget the bullets! Ok that wasn’t a question but who cares.

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At Least We’re Not Earth

Here’s a premise for a movie:

The Chinese become the first ones to discover the existence of alien life forms in outer space.  Without telling anyone they develop the capability to track down and capture these alien life forms and succeed in bringing one back to Earth for further research.  They hope that in doing so they will gain the upper hand in becoming the sole superpower on this planet, leaving all other countries in the dust.  The Chinese give the alien the code name Alibaba 2.0.

Unfortunately for the Chinese Alibaba 2.0 manages to escape because the Chinese, in their haste to extract information from the alien, leave out critical parts in building their alien containment and research pod.  Alibaba 2.0 ventures out on to the streets of China but no one notices because everyone is too preoccupied with his or her smartphone.

The alien realizes that it can discover the key to happiness on Earth if it can gain access to the data stored on all these smartphones.  Fortunately for the alien it is imbued with a knowledge of technology far superior to anything that has ever crossed the minds of even the most respected and sought after scientists then living on Earth.  Using this superior intellect the alien creates a master key that will allow it to unlock even the most sophisticated encryption system that has at that point been devised by man.  With this key the alien is not only able to gain access to data stored on every single smartphone everywhere, it can also look at the most secretive files of every government on the planet.

The alien is shocked by what it discovers.  Among other things, the alien learns that Hillary Clinton, then the president of the United States, still the most powerful country on Earth, is also an alien but from Moron, one of the richest and most hated planets in the galaxy.  The inhabitants of Moron made a fortune after they created and flooded the interstellar market with the first ever talking pet rock.  This fad was short lived however and led mostly to the proliferation of space junk around the galaxy.  The alien also discovers that the Third Reich had developed the first atomic bomb, way before the U.S. did, and had buried stockpiles of this stuff in North Africa, and that the U.S. knew this all along but told no one so it would be the country with the most lethal and abundant nuclear arsenal.

Alibaba 2.0 concludes that the fate of civilization on Earth is doomed.  So it comes up with a plan that will save mankind from itself.  The details of this plan are top secret and no one knows of them except the alien itself.  Alibaba 2.0 dies before it can execute its plan, however.

The exact cause of the alien’s death remains a mystery but some believe that the alien’s own government ordered the hit after it learned of the alien’s plans to save mankind.  Without Earth and its hopeless plight the alien government believed that it would actually have to take on the tedious job of governing whereas in the past when things turned to shit it could just tell its populace: at least we’re not Earth.