At Least We’re Not Earth


Here’s a premise for a movie:

The Chinese become the first ones to discover the existence of alien life forms in outer space.  Without telling anyone they develop the capability to track down and capture these alien life forms and succeed in bringing one back to Earth for further research.  They hope that in doing so they will gain the upper hand in becoming the sole superpower on this planet, leaving all other countries in the dust.  The Chinese give the alien the code name Alibaba 2.0.

Unfortunately for the Chinese Alibaba 2.0 manages to escape because the Chinese, in their haste to extract information from the alien, leave out critical parts in building their alien containment and research pod.  Alibaba 2.0 ventures out on to the streets of China but no one notices because everyone is too preoccupied with his or her smartphone.

The alien realizes that it can discover the key to happiness on Earth if it can gain access to the data stored on all these smartphones.  Fortunately for the alien it is imbued with a knowledge of technology far superior to anything that has ever crossed the minds of even the most respected and sought after scientists then living on Earth.  Using this superior intellect the alien creates a master key that will allow it to unlock even the most sophisticated encryption system that has at that point been devised by man.  With this key the alien is not only able to gain access to data stored on every single smartphone everywhere, it can also look at the most secretive files of every government on the planet.

The alien is shocked by what it discovers.  Among other things, the alien learns that Hillary Clinton, then the president of the United States, still the most powerful country on Earth, is also an alien but from Moron, one of the richest and most hated planets in the galaxy.  The inhabitants of Moron made a fortune after they created and flooded the interstellar market with the first ever talking pet rock.  This fad was short lived however and led mostly to the proliferation of space junk around the galaxy.  The alien also discovers that the Third Reich had developed the first atomic bomb, way before the U.S. did, and had buried stockpiles of this stuff in North Africa, and that the U.S. knew this all along but told no one so it would be the country with the most lethal and abundant nuclear arsenal.

Alibaba 2.0 concludes that the fate of civilization on Earth is doomed.  So it comes up with a plan that will save mankind from itself.  The details of this plan are top secret and no one knows of them except the alien itself.  Alibaba 2.0 dies before it can execute its plan, however.

The exact cause of the alien’s death remains a mystery but some believe that the alien’s own government ordered the hit after it learned of the alien’s plans to save mankind.  Without Earth and its hopeless plight the alien government believed that it would actually have to take on the tedious job of governing whereas in the past when things turned to shit it could just tell its populace: at least we’re not Earth.

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